Breakups aren’t bad, after all you and your significant other for whatever reason are not compatible. There’s something missing that’s causing one or both of you to essential n o t be happy. It gets to a point where one or both parties involved give up or walk away because solitude or other distractions brings them more peace. So the act of self-interest this case is good and self-preserving, right?
The sucky part of breakups are the intangibles. Like the good memories, experiences, laughs, general sense of belonging, the unfulfilled plans and dreams you created together. Dissolved concepts and experiences that will cease to exist in history. As a consequence, if your mind is weak enough, you’ll imagine the other fulfilling those dreams with someone else, a replacement. Passive thoughts consumed with the idea of an undeserving stranger receiving warm affections and charm you once felt from them. How it must feel so good to be under their protection and care, that sense of belonging or thrill from their presence alone.
While you suffer in missing their absence from your heart and thoughts, self-doubt will flood your mind. The familiar text tone and constant conversations about anything, everything come to a dead silence. You find your “new normal.” The days will seem long and more days will pass without their essence and eventually, those familiarities will all fade away. At a certain point the pain from your heart (or mid-brain region really that controls your emotions) will subside and your front cortex (front lobe of brain responsible for logic) will start to take over and you will then begin to reflect on the patterns, the negative experiences, the parts where you knew it wasn’t working or making you happy, and then you realize. You realize life is going to be okay with out this person a part of your every day.
You realize that the more you try to control a situation, by words or even by thoughts in your mind, that you really just don’t have control. That the illusion of hanging on and ‘fighting’ for what you want just isn’t apart of the universes plan. The worry and anxiety that you let consume your day, was pointless (maybe not so much), but it did affect your health and overall wellbeing. Hopefully time will allow space for you to reflect and learn from the experience. Learning the lesson “let it go, and let it be” is a tough one, sometimes it takes a person one time to get it, in other cases it may take a person several. I am that person that it has taken more than several. We all learn at different paces, so kindness with my self through the process is something I’m working on.
The reality is, if the person wanted to be with you, if they wanted to try, they would. They’d be here, they’d do what ever it takes. And if that effort is not in your or their heart’s desire, then happiness, is something that person is willfully choosing at their own discretion. At the end of the day, humans will are selfish and will do anything to make themselves ‘happy.’ We all deserve to be happy. Trust that the Universe has put you right where you belong, remember that break ups are not bad, and that fully letting go can be the most difficult but intrinsically necessary act to perform. Let go and let life lead you to boundless opportunities for enriching experiences that allow you to grow.
Glow Up Sisters